Today Tony and I had a very intense and in depth rehearsal of just a few scenes though they are probably the most difficult scenes in the entire show. I think we both walked away feeling pretty positive about the experience but it also showed me how I am now at the point where I am going to be focusing all my free time on working on this show. With this being my first one person show and with this also being my first show of this type I am fighting the urge to expel red cuboid objects normally used in the building of houses from the lowermost orifice on my body. It's not easy to say you're shitting bricks and keep it clean.
Being in theatre totally changed my perspective on fear. When a friend of mine had gotten her first role in a live performance a few she asked me how to overcome fear I went off the most bizarre pep speech ever. I think I successfully convinced her that instead of fighting or trying to overcome her fear she should embrace it and use is at a motivator. She's still acting so it doesn't appear I traumatized her too much.
I'll be honest, back in October 27 pages of dialogue didn't feel too overwhelming but I also didn't take into account some of the obligations I had to fulfill including my full time job plus how I'm on call at least one day a week. Then there was the family obligation of Thanksgiving and by the end of November my thoughts all turned to "where the fuck did all the time go???"
Well, fortunately I've been able to set aside all other obligations for the next few week except for my job so I can focus exclusively on this show and actually I think that puts me in position to be peaking at exactly the right time. Or maybe this is something I'm just telling myself.
Disirregardless, I'm now listening to my own advice and embracing the fear. Also, I'm trying to make 'disirregardless' common parlance as it actually makes more sense in this context than irregardless, a word that somehow found its way into the Webster Dictionary